Looking for answers that pop through the boundaries of thought

A few thought-provoking ideas, reflections and entertainments from the deep south of Cape Town...

Some serious, some frivolous, some perhaps just ranting - see what you think!

Friday, August 9, 2013

True friendship

We are passing beyond the age of three-dimensional relationships into a multi-dimensional, interdependent relationship space. In this space the most important form of relationship will be a new and deeper form of friendship.

Friendships in the past have often been based around the concept of “making everything alright”. Friends, when they were being friends, supported the viewpoints of their friends, made their friends feel OK about stuff, and generally were there to help their friends feel they were right, whether they were growing in consciousness or not.

In fact, in today’s world, there’s no time for this kind of friendship any more. We are yearning to wake up, and to have friends who support us in doing so. When we are coming from a place of inner strength, we know that we already have the perfect parents, siblings, lovers, teachers inside our own hearts. We connect with these aspects of ourselves and know that – we are enough. There is enough love to go round. And we also have the perfect children and students inside us; we have a playful inner child worthy of love, and keen to learn, and we are able to give ourselves that love and take worthy lessons from all that life throws at us.

But long generations of the bully/victim disempowering story has also led us to often deny our inner child, like our real child was denied and wounded in this society. We came into a world where we experienced emotional wounding and our primal brains decided it was real, physically life-threatening wounding. Our primal brains found various means to avoid feeling these feelings, acting from a stressed out nervous system. To feel feelings like abandonment, rejection, anger, shame, guilt, grief, worthlessness, betrayal, powerlessness, was felt to be dangerous. Parts of us still feel it is dangerous and go into adrenalin-based fear when such feelings approach.

Yet it is not, 99.9% of the time. It is just a feeling. Sure, our psyche wants to attach a whole long story to the feeling, to blame someone else for the feeling, to really disturb our physical and emotional functioning through feeling the feeling. Some of the feelings are really intense and are best supported through dancing them through, or other physical forms of release. But in the end the feeling passes and we are still here, unless our story has taken on such unhealthy proportions that we’ve really injured ourselves – but then that’s us injuring ourselves, not the feeling.

Multi-dimensional friends can support without being triggered themselves into their emotions. They can support even if they are told (by their friend’s story) that their actions were the trigger for the friend’s difficult feeling. They support by accepting and holding space for the feeling. By breathing, feeling the body, trusting the connection to source. They also support by tuning into their hearts, and being unafraid to challenge their friends if they feel they are being inauthentic. There are times when we need to let out our ‘charge’, but it’s important to recognise these times as just that – not to get hooked into them, or to use these times to try and manipulate or justify or defend. Multi-dimensional friends don’t get hooked in – they have the resources to encourage each other to feel the feelings and then to step back into the light.

But this is not all. If multi-dimensional friends are not in a space themselves to be the accepting support – if they need their own space, or are feeling too easily triggered – they are honest enough to say so, knowing that their friends will either find someone else to hold space, or will get that this is one of those times they must fall back on their own centre, their own innate ability to hold space for themselves with the support of spiritual allies. (Multi-dimensional friends have spiritual allies, because they know the extraordinary power of the Imagination, and the intuition that it brings).

And in this spirit of authentic communication, with integrity, multi-dimensional friends find a way to say if they would like this kind of support themselves – to reach out, not from a place of desperation, but from a place of knowing how wonderful it can be for one human being to feel supported by another, to feel seen by another. How healing this can be for that wounded lonely child, how it can help that child to rediscover his or her playfulness and lightness again. And to really know that this is not a burden for the one giving support, if they truly and authentically choose it: scientists have shown that the same level of endorphins are released in giving as in receiving. It is all love.

We have taken physical form, and so we ask each other for a little more than we did in the spiritual world, where the oneness of us all was obvious. We have come to play in physical bodies, we have come to be acknowledged by each other, in our grief and in our joy, in our anger and in our love, as we move towards the real bliss in life – which is the bliss that underpins all emotions; the bliss of connection that is felt even as the grief is released, the bliss of power that is felt even as the anger is screamed out, the bliss that flows in ever-deeper and more exquisite forms of pleasure that open to us – but which is increasingly still obvious even in the crazier times.

Yes, we have the perfect parents, children, lovers, brothers, sisters, teachers, students… inside our hearts. And having checked in with our own hearts, and our own circle of support and strength - we have the ability to play all these roles, at different times, with and for our friends, and to step into a multi-dimensional awareness together. For the first time in human history, we are all stepping forward together. Let us play!

With grateful thanks to all my teachers in the outer world who have informed this piece.  

Swearing from the head

As we all know, a lot of Anglo-Saxon words for sexuality and bodily functions have become the first thing many children like to furtively look up in dictionaries. More to the point, they’ve become twisted into general emotive words that express all sorts of feelings from disgust to a kind of naughty exaggerated joy. Whatever we may feel about saying “fuck” now and then, the bottom line is its origin as a swear word is because making love was once seen by the church as a horrible sin to be avoided at all costs and certainly never talked about – one of those regrettable animal acts that reminded people of their fall from grace, along with leaving behind human droppings and so forth in "restrooms" (please let's call a kakhuis a kakhuis, mense!). We may feel we’re beyond such attitudes, but if so why do we still use these words for swearing? And why is the "worst word in the world" (cunt, which if I’m not mistaken makes this instantly an 18-certificate rant) an old and once much-loved word for the most creative thing we know of – the source of every human’s lives, the place we emerged from after an extraordinarily complex process of in utero development?

What if, for a week, we simply turned this, quite literally, on its head? Just to feel it out. Here’s some words we could try out instead – for activities the head gets up to.

“Think you!” “Think off!”, “That was thinking appalling!”, or “thinking awesome!”

“What a total brain!” “You’re such a talker!” “Go analyse yourself!” “She’s been calculating again!”

“Complete earhole!”  “Stop heading around!” “Oh, philosophize!!” “Meditate this!”

“You head-dick!”

Now interestingly, when I started playing with this, my goody-two-shoes side started chastising me for this, saying “How could I make these things into swear-words? These activities are sacred, these parts of myself are to be honoured and respected!”

Which kind of proved the point of the exercise very nicely. Go let rip, child-dreamers.